Phoned my mum. She didn’t pick up. I phoned her again 5 minutes later. Nothing. Perhaps she was in a shower or downstairs doing laundry. 10 minutes later she still didn’t pick up. I phoned her mobile – switched off. Called Chris (my husband) from my mobile and asked him to stay on the line with me while I used the house phone to call my mum’s neighbours to check if she was there. She wasn’t. I phoned her friends who said she should be at home. I rang again and no answer. All I kept thinking was that she was coughing the day before and feeling tired and assuming the worst. Chris came home and sat next to me while I tried calling everyone and eventually asked my mum’s friends to go to her house. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t move, I was literally paralysed with fear. I got the call back – my mum was fine – her phone was broken. I started crying and shouting at mum, telling her she must buy a new phone immediately and move house to get better mobile reception and that I cannot do this over and over again. For almost two hours while I was trying to call mum, I was seating on the sofa curled into a ball, paralysed with fear! Chris said that I cannot go on like this especially when we are trying for a baby. This will not be healthy when we are pregnant. Easier said that done. But for the first time in my life I think that maybe it would not be a bad idea to ask a professional how to cope with this. Now, 2 hours after, I’ve got a killer headache and I feel nauseous. I don’t event know whether it is from the stress or from the two types of IVF injections I am on now.
This box is to small to dwell on my passions, the complexities and simplicities of my personality, my likes and dislikes so I get straight to the point: it's time for me to have a baby. I didn't grow up wishing for a baby and counted the days until I could start a family. Neither did I wake up one day and thought that my life is missing a kid. It's not. I love my husband, I love our life and frankly, I am not sure I am ready to change it. Nor did I gave up to the pressure of having a baby after being happily married to a gorgeous, sexiest man alive. I just think it's time for me to try something new. I know these decisions shouldn't be taken lightly and I spent a lot of time thinking things through. Well, my mum is also suffering from incurable cancer and that give me a whole lot of reasons. Turns out, it's not that easy for us. We are going through IVF and something called ICSI.
- IVF Transfer Day June 9, 2014
- IVF wait before the Transfer day June 8, 2014
- IVF Egg Collection Day June 4, 2014
- About families June 3, 2014
- What? Another blood test? June 1, 2014
- 3rd scan May 30, 2014
- Another day, another ovarian scan May 28, 2014
- Ovarian stimulation scan May 27, 2014
- This is what IVF looks like May 25, 2014
- About the little things… May 24, 2014