About families

On Sunday we went for another early morning blood test. After that we planned to do something relaxing as it really seemed like in the last few weeks all we did was manage work commitments, hospital appointments and caring for my mum via very difficult lengthy phone calls with the doctors and my family. Frankly, on Sunday we were both beyond exhausted physically and emotionally.

We planned to look after ourselves: Chris wanted us to go the gym for a gentle swim; I wanted to have my hair done; and then we wanted to go for lunch with Chris’s visiting parents to a very nice (but cheap) restaurant that all of our friends and in fact, TV shows, rave about.

What could possibly stand in a way of that? Chris’s parents.

Just as we got to the gym they rung and said that despite us making plans long time ago they now had a big breakfast and no longer fancy lunch. We should meet somewhere else for coffee and can we meet sooner.

How incredibly selfish, I could not believe it. Swimming got cancelled, so did my hair appointment as I booked it for before lunch (silly me wanting to look nice for once!). What about us being actually hungry? Not to mention the fact that we were really looking forward to going to town on a Sunday afternoon, change the scenery to help us get some space from our problems, even if for few hours.

The point is that they know exactly what we are going through and at no point have made any attempts to go out of their way to try and make it easier for us. The funny thing is, we booked the restaurant 10mins walk from the hotel they were staying, but because we could not come to town fast enough, they agreed to come half way towards us, on a day where almost all of the public transport was either shut or replaced. So eventually they only arrived 15mins earlier than we originally planned and guess what: they had full blown lunch with desserts!!! What was the point of all this?

When they arrived at no point did they say “sorry for throwing your day upside down”. Not even an acknowledgement.

Chris was fuming but said nothing as he decided that it was not worth having an argument now which would add to our stress.

I sat there (listening to them talk about themselves, their holiday plans, their recent holidays, their fitness training) thinking how little they care about us and how preoccupied they are with their own lives and needs. I wanted to cry at the thought that my mum would give up everything to be with us and help us. But they prefer to make our lives more difficult for absolutely no reason.

I know it is a small thing, but it spoke volumes. Chris hasn’t spoken to his parents since. I have no intention to build any relationship there. Chris said that all of a sudden he saw his parents in a completely different light: cold, selfish, detached. He said that it is just him and me and our kid in his picture of our family. I found these words very sad.

In the meantime I keep getting worse and worse news from the hospital where my mum is – my mum being the most understanding and big-hearted person I know. I cry every night but try to keep strong for the IVF. Once that is over, the embryo transferee back, I will be on the first plane to see her. I pray every night that I will get there on time. I m very lucky to have Chris to help me go through it.

I desperately wanted my parents to be grandparents. I wanted my kids to have them as grandparents. I know they would have been amazing. My dad spoke about being a grandparent so often and he had boundless love to give. And now my mum is in a hospital and I m not sure if she will be leaving it. I find it so unfair. As I m writing it I’m on a packed train from work and as there are tears coming down my face like crazy, I need to stop typing now.

Tomorrow we are booked for egg collection.

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About kidsandotherthings

This box is to small to dwell on my passions, the complexities and simplicities of my personality, my likes and dislikes so I get straight to the point: it's time for me to have a baby. I didn't grow up wishing for a baby and counted the days until I could start a family. Neither did I wake up one day and thought that my life is missing a kid. It's not. I love my husband, I love our life and frankly, I am not sure I am ready to change it. Nor did I gave up to the pressure of having a baby after being happily married to a gorgeous, sexiest man alive. I just think it's time for me to try something new. I know these decisions shouldn't be taken lightly and I spent a lot of time thinking things through. Well, my mum is also suffering from incurable cancer and that give me a whole lot of reasons. Turns out, it's not that easy for us. We are going through IVF and something called ICSI.
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